Young Mr. Murphy was a practical man... one's of the world's foremost pragmatists. He was the first to codify the difference between what military people are told ... and what really awaits them in the world.
It's kind of the military version of "The Biggest Lies in the World," (The check is in the mail,) and(Yes, of COURSE I'll respect you in the morning...)
I've been compiling Mr. Murphy's real-world laws of combat and here they are:
1. Friendly fire - isn't.
2. Suppressive fires – won’t.
3. Recoilles rifles – aren’t.
4. Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo.
5. Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire
6. Don’t draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
7. You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
7. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
8. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
9. If at first you don't succeed, call in an airstrike.
10. If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
11. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
12. Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.
13. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
14. If your attack is going well, you're walking into an enemy ambush.
15. The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.
16. The enemy always attacks on two occasions: when they're ready. & when you're not.
17. No OPLAN ever survives initial contact with the enemy.
18. There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
19. Five-second fuses always burn down in three seconds.
20. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
21. A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
21. The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.
22. The easy way is always mined.
23. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
24. If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
25. When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
26. Incoming fire has the right of way.
27. No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.
28. No inspection-ready unit has ever passed combat.
29. If the enemy is within range, so are you.
30. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
31. Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.
32. Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way.
33. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.
34. Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.
35. Anything you do can get you killed, including doing nothing.
36. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you can’t get out.
37. Tracers work both ways.
38. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.
39. When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.
40. Professional soldiers are predictable; but the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
41. Military Intelligence is a contradiction.
42. Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.
43. Weather ain't neutral.
44. If you can't remember, your Claymores are probably pointed towards you.
45. Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground.
46. 'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go.
47. The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
48. Napalm is an area support weapon.
49. Mines are equal-opportunity weapons.
50. B-52s and battleships are the ultimate close support weapons.
51. Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.
52. Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.
53. The one item you need is always in short supply.
54. Interchangeable parts aren't.
55. It's not the bullet with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.
56. When in doubt, empty your magazine.
57. The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
58. Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.
59. No matter what the supply specialist tells you, you will NOT receive it when you get in-country!
60. Murphy was a grunt.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
If you've ever owned an AK-47, an AR-15 or a Mosin/Nagant, you'll understand
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They say that after awhile, dogs and dog owners begin to look alike. I believe that you can extend that dictum to firearms owners. Not that we begin to look like our firearms, mind you, but that we begin to have shared experiences with other owners/sufferers of the same weaponry.
For instance, most of us who own a semi-automatic AK know it's legendary for being so loosely constructed it rattles when you pick it up. By the same token, all of us who own an AR-15 (the civilian equivalent of the M-16) know it's so tightly constructed it comes with its own toothbrush to keep dirt and grit from fouling it. (True!) And those of us who own a Mosin/Nagant M1930 (mine has Soviet markings and was issued in 1943) can't believe soldiers actually had to MARCH while carrying this behemoth!!!
I found this list of other common firearms characteristics on the Internet, and reblog it here.
A Comparison of the AK-47, AR-15 and Mosin/Nagant M1930:
AK – It works though you have never cleaned it, ever.
AR – You have $9-per-ounce special non-detergent synthetic Teflon-infused cleaner
MG – It was last cleaned in Berlin in 1945
AK – You are able to hit the broad side of a barn from the inside
AR – You are able to hit the broad side of a barn from 600 meters
MG – You can hit the farm from two counties away
AR – Cheap magazines are fun to buy
AR – Cheap magazines melt
MG – What’s a magazine?
AK – Your safety can be heard as you click it off from 300 meters away
AR – You can silently flip off the safety with your finger on the trigger
MG – What’s a safety?
AK – Your rifle comes with a cheap nylon sling
AR – Your rifle comes with a 9-point stealth tactical suspension system
MG – Your rifle has dog collars (It really does!)
AK – Your bayonet makes a good wire cutter
AR – Your bayonet is actually a pretty good steak knife
MG – Your bayonet is longer than your leg
AK – You can put a .30” hole through 12” of oak
AR – You can put one hole in a paper target with 30 rounds at 100 meters
MG – You can knock down everyone else’s target with the shock wave of your bullet’s passage
AK – When out of ammo, your rifle will substitute as a club
AR – When out of ammo, your rifle will substitute as a wiffle ball bat
MG – When out of ammo, your rifle will make a supreme lance, tent pole, oar, pike or firewood
AK – Recoil is manageable, even fun
AR – What’s recoil?
MG – Recoil is used to reset your shoulder after it was dislocated by the previous shot
AK – Your sight adjustment goes to 10, and you’ve never bothered moving it
AR – Your sight adjustment is incremented in fractions of a minute of angle
MG – Your sight adjustment goes out to 12 miles, and you’ve actually tried it
AK – Your rifle can be used by any two-bit nation’s illiterate conscripts to fight elite forces everywhere
AR – Your rifle is used by elite forces everywhere to fight two-bit nations’ illiterate conscripts
MG – Your rifle has fought against itself, and won every time
AK – Your rifle won some revolutions
AR – Your rifle drove Saddam out of Kuwait
MG – Your rifle won a pole vault event
AK – You paid $350
AR – You paid $900
MG – You paid $89.95 (I actually did!)
AK – You buy cheap ammo by the case
AR – You lovingly reload precision crafted rounds, one-by-one
MG – You dug your ammo out of a farmer’s field in the Ukraine, and it works just fine
AK – You can intimidate your foe when you fix bayonets
AR – Your foes laugh themselves to death when you fix bayonet
MG – You can bayonet your foe on the other side of the river without leaving your foxhole
AK – Service life, 60 years
AR – Service life, 40 years
MG – Service life, 100 years and counting
AK – It’s easier to buy a new rifle when you want to change cartridge sizes
AR – You can change cartridge sizes with the push of two pins and a new upper receiver
MG – You would never risk ridicule by suggesting there IS any other cartridge but 7.62mm x 54r
AK – You can repair your rifle with a hammer and a swift kick
AR – You can repair your rifle by taking it to a certified gunsmith (It’s under warranty!)
MG – You either take it to a blacksmith, or buy a new one
AK – You consider it a badge of honor when the rifle handguards burst into flames
AR – You consider it a badge of honor when you shoot a sub-MOA 5-shot group
MG – You consider it a badge of honor when you cycle five rounds without using a 2x4 as a lever
AK – After a long day at the range, you relax by watching “Red Dawn”
AR – After a long day at the range, you relax by watching “Black Hawk Down”
MG – After a long day at the range, you relax with a visit to the chiropractor
AK – You can accessorize your rifle with a muzzle brake or a new stock
AR – You can accessorize your rifle with stuff that is 8 times more expensive than the rifle
MG – Your rifle’s main accessory is a small tin can with a funny lid, buried under a building in Kiev
AK – Your rifle’s finish is varnish and paint
AR – Your rifle’s finish is Teflon and high-tech polymers
MG – Your rifle’s finish is low-grade shellac, cosmoline and some woman named Olga’s toenail polish
AK – Your wife tolerates your signed photo of Mikhail Kalashnikov
AR – Your wife tolerates your signed photo of Eugene Stoner
MG – You’re not sure there WERE cameras around to photograph Sergei Mosin
AK – Late at night, you have the urge to hold your rifle over your head and shout “Wolverines!”
AR – Late at night, you have the urge to clear your house, from room-to-room
MG – Late at night, you have the urge to dig a fighting trench in the front yard and sleep in it.
For instance, most of us who own a semi-automatic AK know it's legendary for being so loosely constructed it rattles when you pick it up. By the same token, all of us who own an AR-15 (the civilian equivalent of the M-16) know it's so tightly constructed it comes with its own toothbrush to keep dirt and grit from fouling it. (True!) And those of us who own a Mosin/Nagant M1930 (mine has Soviet markings and was issued in 1943) can't believe soldiers actually had to MARCH while carrying this behemoth!!!
I found this list of other common firearms characteristics on the Internet, and reblog it here.
A Comparison of the AK-47, AR-15 and Mosin/Nagant M1930:
AK – It works though you have never cleaned it, ever.
AR – You have $9-per-ounce special non-detergent synthetic Teflon-infused cleaner
MG – It was last cleaned in Berlin in 1945
AK – You are able to hit the broad side of a barn from the inside
AR – You are able to hit the broad side of a barn from 600 meters
MG – You can hit the farm from two counties away
AR – Cheap magazines are fun to buy
AR – Cheap magazines melt
MG – What’s a magazine?
AK – Your safety can be heard as you click it off from 300 meters away
AR – You can silently flip off the safety with your finger on the trigger
MG – What’s a safety?
AK – Your rifle comes with a cheap nylon sling
AR – Your rifle comes with a 9-point stealth tactical suspension system
MG – Your rifle has dog collars (It really does!)
AK – Your bayonet makes a good wire cutter
AR – Your bayonet is actually a pretty good steak knife
MG – Your bayonet is longer than your leg
AK – You can put a .30” hole through 12” of oak
AR – You can put one hole in a paper target with 30 rounds at 100 meters
MG – You can knock down everyone else’s target with the shock wave of your bullet’s passage
AK – When out of ammo, your rifle will substitute as a club
AR – When out of ammo, your rifle will substitute as a wiffle ball bat
MG – When out of ammo, your rifle will make a supreme lance, tent pole, oar, pike or firewood
AK – Recoil is manageable, even fun
AR – What’s recoil?
MG – Recoil is used to reset your shoulder after it was dislocated by the previous shot
AK – Your sight adjustment goes to 10, and you’ve never bothered moving it
AR – Your sight adjustment is incremented in fractions of a minute of angle
MG – Your sight adjustment goes out to 12 miles, and you’ve actually tried it
AK – Your rifle can be used by any two-bit nation’s illiterate conscripts to fight elite forces everywhere
AR – Your rifle is used by elite forces everywhere to fight two-bit nations’ illiterate conscripts
MG – Your rifle has fought against itself, and won every time
AK – Your rifle won some revolutions
AR – Your rifle drove Saddam out of Kuwait
MG – Your rifle won a pole vault event
AK – You paid $350
AR – You paid $900
MG – You paid $89.95 (I actually did!)
AK – You buy cheap ammo by the case
AR – You lovingly reload precision crafted rounds, one-by-one
MG – You dug your ammo out of a farmer’s field in the Ukraine, and it works just fine
AK – You can intimidate your foe when you fix bayonets
AR – Your foes laugh themselves to death when you fix bayonet
MG – You can bayonet your foe on the other side of the river without leaving your foxhole
AK – Service life, 60 years
AR – Service life, 40 years
MG – Service life, 100 years and counting
AK – It’s easier to buy a new rifle when you want to change cartridge sizes
AR – You can change cartridge sizes with the push of two pins and a new upper receiver
MG – You would never risk ridicule by suggesting there IS any other cartridge but 7.62mm x 54r
AK – You can repair your rifle with a hammer and a swift kick
AR – You can repair your rifle by taking it to a certified gunsmith (It’s under warranty!)
MG – You either take it to a blacksmith, or buy a new one
AK – You consider it a badge of honor when the rifle handguards burst into flames
AR – You consider it a badge of honor when you shoot a sub-MOA 5-shot group
MG – You consider it a badge of honor when you cycle five rounds without using a 2x4 as a lever
AK – After a long day at the range, you relax by watching “Red Dawn”
AR – After a long day at the range, you relax by watching “Black Hawk Down”
MG – After a long day at the range, you relax with a visit to the chiropractor
AK – You can accessorize your rifle with a muzzle brake or a new stock
AR – You can accessorize your rifle with stuff that is 8 times more expensive than the rifle
MG – Your rifle’s main accessory is a small tin can with a funny lid, buried under a building in Kiev
AK – Your rifle’s finish is varnish and paint
AR – Your rifle’s finish is Teflon and high-tech polymers
MG – Your rifle’s finish is low-grade shellac, cosmoline and some woman named Olga’s toenail polish
AK – Your wife tolerates your signed photo of Mikhail Kalashnikov
AR – Your wife tolerates your signed photo of Eugene Stoner
MG – You’re not sure there WERE cameras around to photograph Sergei Mosin
AK – Late at night, you have the urge to hold your rifle over your head and shout “Wolverines!”
AR – Late at night, you have the urge to clear your house, from room-to-room
MG – Late at night, you have the urge to dig a fighting trench in the front yard and sleep in it.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Holding history-unearthing a firearm artifact
As it came out of its box, it had all the grace and beauty of a railroad tie.
My 1943 Soviet-era Mosin Nagant M1930 rifle was covered in 67 years worth of cosmoline and crud. The laquered finish of the stock was cracked and darkened from age (and more cosmoline), like those ancient painted icons you see in old Eastern Orthodox churches. When I first beheld it in its box, it had all the polish of a burnt meatloaf ... and a dirty one at that. (Hey, what did I expect for a whopping $89.95 cash money?) The first time I touched it, my fingers stuck to the stock. (ewww)
But I nevertheless was holding my breath when I finally took it out of the box. In my hands was history. I held a historic artifact, much as an archaeologist might find in some dusty Middle Eastern dig site.
(OK ... that was a little over the top. Few Middle Eastern archaeologists ever unearthed a Mosin Nagant firearm ... or ANYTHING more advanced than a Bronze Age spear point... but you catch my drift.) Somewhere under the grime was a thing of lethal beauty. Like an archaeologist, I was going to have to be patient and use the firearms equivalent of a camel's hair brush to whisk away the decades of disuse and muck.
But I was frankly stumped. There wasn't a clean spot on the thing. How in the hell do you clean something that has been immersed in sticky axle grease and grime for more than half a century?
A few days research on the Internet showed I had several options:
1. Move to Texas, and hang the rifle in the sun for a few days. (Cosmoline melts at a mere 135 degrees and the Southwestern sun easily can heat things up that much. However, since I don't speak Texan, this was not my preferred option.)
2. Take everything apart and put it in the oven to bake at the lowest setting. (Since most chat rooms caution that this makes the whole house stink of petroleum, this also didn't make the cut.)
3. Take everything apart, and run it through the dishwasher. (Again, the Internet chat rooms caution that the melted cosmoline tends to run down household pipes only for about five feet before congealing again, this ALSO wasn't a great option.)
4. Take everything apart, and place all the parts in a galvanized garbage can. Into the can, place several work lights, which will heat everything up and melt the cosmoline. (My condo is already small, and I'm supposed to find somewhere to place a galvanized garbage can ... and start heating it up???? Fail!)
On the fifth day of searching the net, I found one mention of a guy who borrowed his wife's clothes steamer, and steamed the cosmoline and gunk out. I began searching Kathy's closets and storage for a clothes steamer. But my darling wife had other plans. She went to a charity rummage sale and bought me a used shop steam gun for $2 (cash money). I was HAPPY!!! I sat down outside and, armed with a hammer, a screwdriver and a pocket knife, disassembled my still-gunky rifle. I set to work with the steamer.
Twenty minutes later a rifle began appearing beneath the layers of yuck and grime.
Directing the steam stream onto the grease-soaked stock, the cosmoline yellowed, melted and dropped off in huge globs into the aluminum pan below. Steaming the bolt soon rewarded me with a gleaming, tool-steel bolt whose armorer's bow-and-arrow markings shone afresh.
I chanced to glance down the bore of the barrel. I winced and wished I hadn't. Where normally one expects to find the ever-graceful spiral grooves glinting in the light of reflected sun, this rifle bore was solid black. (Gulp!)
I got hardcore. I stuck the steam nozzle into the breach, pulled the trigger and let fly. Huge black globs of slime dripped from the muzzle, along with wisps of steam. Soon the globs disappeared, and the rifle barrel was blowing steam like Vesuvius just about to erupt.
An hour later, it was done. My Soviet beauty shone in the sunlight, a thing reborn.
All reassembled, it was as tall as I am. The pike bayonet made it as tall as most tent poles. You could pole vault with this thing. But it's friggin' gorgeous.
The armorer's marks show it was made in 1943 at the Ishvesk arsenal, and proof tested for accuracy. (Something I intend upon doing myself as soon as I can unearth some 7.62mm x 54r ammo for it.)
Maybe some archaeologist will unearth some at his dig site.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Zen in the art of Firearms Maintenance
Beautiful, warm Fall day. I move outside to become one with the universe, one with my gorgeous, beautiful,(fouled, problematic, pissing-me-off)Springfield Armory M-1A rifle. Since I've owned it, I've never managed to field strip it further than removing the barrel and trigger group.
This is the day! A beautiful day. This is the day my rifle-cleaning-karma changes, I'm sure.
I sit in the sun. I am warmed by the rays of the sun and bask in the glow of the cosmic muffin. I listen to the hum of bees. I find my center. I am one with the world, with this beautiful rifle. Ommmmmmm.
I lift out the trigger group. Ommmmmmmm.
I lift out the barrel and receiver group. Ommmmmmm.
I am one with the universe. Nothing can vex me. Nothing can stop me. The universe will unfold as it should and the operating rod will lift out when I pull it back to the appropriate notch.
Ommmmmmmmmm.
[Ahem] I say again my last, "The universe will unfold as it should and the operating rod will lift out when I pull it back to the appropriate notch."
Umm ... are you listening universe? I HAVE PULLED THE OPERATING ROD BACK TO THE NOTCH(shouting at the universe now, causing some neighbors to wonder what's going on behind my front yard fence)
Shit.
Oh. Umm. Ommmmmmmm.
[Heavy sigh]
I give up again, and decide to simply run a bore brush down the barrel, and swab the chamber as best I can.
Having made that decision, I find my Zen again ... Ommmmmmm
No I haven't! Goddam, piss-me-off rifle!
Should have stuck to archery
This is the day! A beautiful day. This is the day my rifle-cleaning-karma changes, I'm sure.
I sit in the sun. I am warmed by the rays of the sun and bask in the glow of the cosmic muffin. I listen to the hum of bees. I find my center. I am one with the world, with this beautiful rifle. Ommmmmmm.
I lift out the trigger group. Ommmmmmmm.
I lift out the barrel and receiver group. Ommmmmmm.
I am one with the universe. Nothing can vex me. Nothing can stop me. The universe will unfold as it should and the operating rod will lift out when I pull it back to the appropriate notch.
Ommmmmmmmmm.
[Ahem] I say again my last, "The universe will unfold as it should and the operating rod will lift out when I pull it back to the appropriate notch."
Umm ... are you listening universe? I HAVE PULLED THE OPERATING ROD BACK TO THE NOTCH(shouting at the universe now, causing some neighbors to wonder what's going on behind my front yard fence)
Shit.
Oh. Umm. Ommmmmmmm.
[Heavy sigh]
I give up again, and decide to simply run a bore brush down the barrel, and swab the chamber as best I can.
Having made that decision, I find my Zen again ... Ommmmmmm
No I haven't! Goddam, piss-me-off rifle!
Should have stuck to archery
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