The Commander in Chief cites a lack of forethought in Army Gen. Stan McChrystal's recent interview in Rolling Stone magazine. In that piece, the Gen -- one whom Pres Obama had praised to the skies a mere matter of months earlier -- had aired differences between his plans to prosecute the ongoing war and the President's foreign policy.
Lack of forethought? HAH! I believe Gen. McChrystal knew EXACTLY what he was doing.
A couple of years ago, the previous Commander of US Central Command, Navy Admiral William "Fox" Fallon, also fell on his sword publicly in an interview with Esquire magazine, in which he took the Bush administration to task for its saber-rattling talk of war with Iran. Fallon, a fighter-pilot-scholar-turned-diplomat, aired his own feelings about the tenstions between the Bush White House and Iran.
A short time later, he was unceremoniously canned from his post at CentCom.
And so now comes Gen. McChrystal ... feeling hemmed in by Obama political appointees and a foreign policy that ties the hands of US troops in Harm's Way.
Upon assuming command (at Obama's insistence) of all US troops in Afghanistan, the first thing the canny general ordered was a complete review of the US troop posture over there...resulting in a thick compendium of figures, which basically stated that without a 40,000-troop increase, the Afghanistan mission was doomed to failure ... and then allowed that report to be leaked to the media!
Simply put, Obama and his cronies were furious (and now under immense pressure to comply with McChrystal's report's recommendations.)
Now comes the Rolling Stone interview. McChrystal knew PRECISELY what a good, political general should do ... shut the hell up, toe the President's political line, and follow orders ... not to mention staying out of the media limelight.
But current policy now places as much or even more importance upon protecting civilian lives in Afghanistan, even to the point of endangering US troops during a firefight.
To Gen. McChrystal, a soldier's soldier, this was as unacceptible as it is untenable.
So the general did the only thing he could honorably do: He spoke up for his soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines ... knowing that he would be required to sacrifice his own career as penance. Now, as a result, perhaps one of only two generals that could really FIGHT this war now is toast, and out of the fight.
And the East Coast liberal political Brahmans in the Obama Administration couldn't have cared less.
They only care that the President was politically embarassed, which is far more important that a few soldier's lives.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Staff Officers say the Darndest Things
To those of you who've never worn a uniform, and still think that Hell is a region somewhere below our reality, you have to realize that military people don't go there ... they go to unified commands for their sins.
The US Military divides up its world-wide responsibilities into unified, joint-service commands, each with its own set of unique or geographic responsibilities: European Command (EuCom in Military-speak,) Pacific Command (PaCom,) Central Command (CentCom,) Transportation Command (TransCom,) and the like. Each such command is headed up by a four-star general or admiral, each full to the brim with full Colonels and Navy Captains running their little fiefdoms, and each full of lesser beings (such as yours truly) slaving away in their trailer cubicles for the greater good.
Adding to the perpetual state of confusion is the fact that all five Armed Services are there, each speaking a different language, each wearing a different uniform, each wishing some of the others would just go away quietly.
Let me give you a personal example: In 2006, I reported to CentCom as Combat Camera Officer. I wound up working for an Army Colonel (an engineer and West Pointer,) and an Air Force Lt Colonel (another good guy.)
One one particular day, the Air Force LTC was giving me a set of instructions. I was still new to the Joint Staff business, and wanted to impress him with my eagerness.
"Aye, aye, Sir!" I responded.
"What the heck was that?" the Lt Col asked?
"Sir, that's Navy-speak for 'I understand my orders and I will obey,'" I explained.
"Oh, well in the Air Force, we just say, 'That's cool!'"
It is from this baffling joint-service scene that the following list of Staff Officer Quotes is compiled:
--------------------------------------------------
"That was a typo. Instead of 'pot of money,' it should have read 'pot money.' It refers to money spent by OSD after smoking a joint. We have a similar fund we can tap into for financing many of our own ideas. In fact, that's how we got the name 'Joint Staff.'"
LTC (Joint Staff) in an email describing the amount of money available for use on a given project
"I finally figured out that when a Turkish officer tells you, "It's no problem," he means, for him."
Maj (EUCOM, European Command, which is in charge of American operations in Europe)
"Never in the history of the US Armed Forces have so many done so much for so few..." MAJ (Task Force Warrior) on the "success" of the Free Iraqi Forces (FIF) Training Program, where 1100 Army troops trained 77 Iraqi exiles at the cost of, well, way too much...
"Our days are spent trying to get some poor, unsuspecting third world country to pony up to spending a year in a sweltering desert, full of pissed off Arabs who would rather shave the back of their legs with a cheese grater than submit to foreign occupation by a country for whom they have nothing but contempt." LTC (JS) on the joys of coalition building
"OSD (Office of the Secretary of Defense) will continue to drive this cart into the ground long after the wheels have been sold on E-bay." MAJ (JS) on the progress of FIF (Free Iraqi Forces)
"Please don't laugh. This is my job." Maj (EUCOM) from Protocol, explaining in great detail the approved procedures for dropping off VIPs
"I guess the next thing they'll ask for is 300 US citizens with Hungarian last names to send to Iraq..." MAJ (JS) on the often-frustrating process of building the Iraqi coalition for Phase IV
"If we wait until the last minute to do it, it'll only take a minute." MAJ (EUCOM)
"The only reason that anything ever gets done is because there are pockets of competence in every command. The key is to find them...and then exploit the hell out of 'em." CDR (CENTCOM, Central Command, which is in charge operations in Iraq and Afghanistan))
"Working with Hungary is like watching a bad comedy set on auto repeat..." LCDR (EUCOM)
"Between us girls, would it help to clarify the issue if you knew that Hungary is land-locked?" CDR to MAJ (EUCOM) on why a deployment from Hungary is likely to proceed by air vice sea
"We are condemned men who are chained and will row in place until we rot." LtCol (CENTCOM) on life at his Command
"Right now we're pretty much the ham in a bad ham sandwich..." GO/FO (EUCOM)
"So, what do you wanna do?"...
"I dunno, what do YOU wanna do?"...
"I dunno, what do YOU wanna do?," etc. COL (DIA) describing the way OUSD(S) (Undersecretary of Defense for Strategy) develops and implements their strategies
"Let's face it: Africa sucks..." DOS representative (Bureau of African Affairs) at a conference on Africa
"One of the secrets to maintaining my positive attitude in this job is this: I complete no tasker before its time..." MAJ (EUCOM)
"It is nothing for US soldiers to be in the desert for a year without a woman. It is different for us, though, because we are Latin..." LTC (LATAM country) on one of the differences between Latin American soldiers and their US counterparts
"I'll be right back. I have to go pound my nuts flat..." Lt Col (EUCOM) after being assigned a difficult tasker
"I guess this is the wrong power cord for the computer, huh?" LtCol (EUCOM) after the smoke cleared from plugging his 110V computer into a 220V outlet
"OK, this is too stupid for words." LTC (JS)
"When you get right up to the line that you're not supposed to cross, the only person in front of you will be me!" CDR (CENTCOM) on his view of the value of being politically correct in today's military
"There's nothing wrong with crossing that line a little bit, it's jumping over it buck naked that will probably get you in trouble..." Lt Col (EUCOM) responding to the above
"I may be slow, but I do poor work..." MAJ (USAREUR)
"Great! What we really need are some more 0-5s (Lieutenant Colonel) around here..." MAJ (EUCOM) on the release of the list of 0-5 promotables
"Don't ever be the first...don't ever be the last...and don't ever volunteer to do anything...." CDR (EUCOM) relating an ancient Navy truism
"Hey, somebody should really do that..." CDR (CENTCOM) on the CENTCOM tasking process
"Are you sure they aren't writing about us? Hell, at least we should jump on that wholesale desertion thing..." Maj (CENTCOM) on the following report from a newspaper:
"(The Iraqi military was crippled by)...a multitude of erratic orders and strategic miscalculations, while its fighting units barely communicated with one another and were paralyzed from a lack of direction...these woes were compounded by incompetence, poor preparation, craven leadership and (the) wholesale desertions of thousands of soldiers..."
"Cynicism is the smoke that rises from the ashes of burned out dreams." Maj (CENTCOM) on the daily thrashings delivered to AOs (Action Officers) at his Command
"WE are the reason that Rumsfeld hates us..." LTC (EUCOM) doing some standard, Army self-flagellation
"South of the Alps and East of the Adriatic, paranoia is considered mental equilibrium..."
"The chance of success in these talks is the same as the number of "R's" in "fat chance..."" GS-15 (SHAPE)
"His knowledge on that topic is only power point deep..." MAJ (JS)
"We have no position on that issue. In fact, your position IS our position. Could you tell us what our position is?" CDR (TRANSCOM, Transportation Command) at a policy SVTC (Secure Video Teleconference)
"Ya know, in this Command, if the world were supposed to end tomorrow, it would still happen behind schedule." CWO4 (Chief Warrant Officer) (ret) (EUCOM)
"Even if Al-Qaeda nuked this place, the Chief of Staff would approve a 4-star visitor the very next day!" GS-12 (US government employee, grade 12) (EUCOM)
"Never pet a burning dog." LTC (Tennessee National Guard)
"It's basically announcing to the world that I've completely given up." LT (USN F-14 squadron) on his initial feelings behind the wheel of his brand new minivan
"A staff action is like getting an out of state check, countersigned by a fraud on a phony ID: some of the time it clears, but most of the time, you're screwed." Lt Col (USAF)
"I need intelligence, not information." Maj (EUCOM)
"Ah, the joys of Paris: a unique chance to swill warm wine and be mesmerized by the dank ambrosia of unkempt armpits..." LCDR (NAVEUR)
"'Status quo,' as you know, is Latin for 'the mess we're in...'" Attributed to former President Ronald Reagan
"We are now past the good idea cutoff point..." MAJ (JS) on the fact that somebody always tries to "fine tune" a COA with more "good ideas"
"Who are you talking to? ...Hang up the phone!" Lt Col mentoring MAJ (EUCOM) on how to stay in his own lane...
"The hardest thing about having a third child is switching from 1-on-1 to a zone defense." MAJ (EUCOM)
"Nobody ever said you had to be smart to make 0-6 (Colonel)." Col (EUCOM) "I haven't complied with a darn thing and nothing bad has happened to me yet."
"Whatever happened to good old-fashioned military leadership? Just task the first two people you see."
"The first question I ask myself when tasked to do something that's not obviously and overwhelmingly in my own best interest is, 'Exactly what happens if I don't do it?'"
"Accuracy and attention to detail take a certain amount of time." "No need to tip our hand as to how responsive we can be." CDR (EUCOM) in a passdown to his replacement
"I seem to be rapidly approaching the apex of my mediocre career." MAJ (JS)
"I think that my next set of orders will take me to Iraq. My career's going so badly that I'm considered a 'dead-ender.'" LtCol (EUCOM)
"I just realized that this War on Terror might take a little longer than we thought, so I am developing a new system of hanging charts on walls to solve our problem and win the war." LTC (EUCOM) after a review of long range Counter Terrorism (CT) plans
"Much work remains to be done before we can announce our total failure to make any progress."
"None of us is as dumb as all of us." Excerpted from a brief (EUCOM)
"Things are looking up for us here. In fact, Papua-New Guinea is thinking of offering two platoons: one of Infantry (headhunters) and one of engineers (hut builders). They want to eat any Iraqis they kill. We've got no issues with that, but State is being anal about it." LTC (JS) on OIF coalition-building
"It's not a lot of work unless you have to do it." LTC (EUCOM)
"I'm gonna have to leave work early today and probably stay home tomorrow. I'm fighting off a cold and I want to beat it before I start my leave in two days." MAJ (EUCOM)
"Creating smoking holes gives our lives meaning and enhances our manliness." LTC (EUCOM) at a CT conference
"Interagency is a process, not a noun." Anonymous (EUCOM)
"Eventually, we have to 'make nice' with the French, although, since I'm new in my job, I have every expectation that I'll be contradicted." DOS (Department of State) rep at a Counter Terrorism Conference
"Everyone should have an equal chance, but not everyone is equal."
"I am so far down the food chain that I've got plankton bites on my butt."
"You can get drunk enough to do most anything, but you have to realize going in that there are some things that, once you sober up and realize what you have done, will lead you to either grab a 12-gauge or stay drunk for the rest of your life."
"Once you accept that a dog is a dog, you can't get upset when it barks." Lt Col (USSOCOM), excerpts
"That guy just won't take 'yes' for an answer." MAJ (EUCOM)
"Let's just call Lessons Learned what they really are: institutionalized scab picking."
"I can describe what it feels like being a Staff Officer in two words: distilled pain." CDR (NAVEUR)
"When all else fails, simply revel in the absurdity of it all." LCDR (CENTCOM)
"Never attribute to malice that which can be ascribed to sheer stupidity." LTC (CENTCOM)
"They also serve, who sit and surf the NIPR (the Department of Defense's private internet)." CPT (CENTCOM)
"I hear so much about Ft. Bragg. Where is it?" "It's in the western part of southeastern North Carolina." LCDR and CPT (EUCOM)
"I've become the master of nodding my head and acting like I give a sh!t, and then instantly forgetting what the hell a person was saying the moment they walk away." Flag-level Executive Assistant
"Mark my words, this internet thing is gonna catch on someday." LTC (EUCOM)
"You're not a loser. You're just not my kind of winner..." GS-14 (OSD)
"He who strives for the minimum rarely attains it." GS-12 (DOS)
"I'm tired of waiting on somebody who I know is just going to ignore me once they arrive." Lt Col (EUCOM), while waiting to start a brief for a visiting VIP
"If I'd had more time, I'da written a shorter brief..." Derived from the writings of Mark Twain
"Vision without funding is hallucination." Maj (EUCOM)
"I work at EUCOM. I know bullsh!t when I see it." LTC (EUCOM) in a game of office poker
"You only know as much as you don't know." GO (EUCOM)
"I'm just livin' the dream..." EUCOM staffer response to the question, "How's it going?" or, "What are you doing?"
"I'm just ranting...I have nothing useful to say." LTC (EUCOM)
"Why would an enemy want to bomb this place and end all the confusion?" GS-14 (EUCOM)
"How soon before we can give this guy a medal, a good OER, and send him on his way?" GS-12 (EUCOM) referring to his boss
"Other than the fact that there's no beer, an early curfew and women that wear face coverings for a reason, Kabul is really a wonderful place to visit." LTC (CENTCOM)
"It was seen, visually." LTC (EUCOM) during a Reconnaissance briefing
"Let me tell you about the benefits of being on a staff..."
"This should be a short conversation."
LtCol to Lt Col (EUCOM)
"If you want to take down a country, gimme a call. We'll get it done." GO/FO (EUCOM) to a gathering of US Ambassadors
"Hello gentlemen. Are we in today or are you just ignoring my request?" GS-15 (DSCA) in an email to EUCOM staffers
"After seeing the way this place works, I bet that Mickey Mouse wears a EUCOM watch." Maj (EUCOM)
"Your Key Issues are so 2003..." CPT (CJTF-180) in January 2004
"USCENTCOM commanders announced today that they intend to maintain their presence in Qatar "until the sun runs out of hydrogen," thus committing the US to the longest duration deployment in human history. When asked how they planned to maintain the presence in Qatar for a projected length of 4 to 5 billion years, planners said "we're working on a plan for that. We don't have one yet, but not having a plan or an intelligent reason to do something has never been much of an impediment for us in the past; we don't foresee it being a big show stopper for us in the future either." Among the options that were being discussed was an innovative program to "interbreed" the deployed personnel. "We are going to actively encourage the military members in Qatar to intermarry and raise children that will replace them in the future. Sure, it may be a little hard on some of our female service members, since there currently are about 8 men for every woman over there, but we expect that to be OBE as the sex ratios will even out in a
generation or two. In any case the key to the plan is to make these assignments not only permanent, but inheritable and hereditary. For example, if you currently work the JOC weather desk, so will your children, and their children, and their children, ad infinitum. We like to think of it as job security." CPT (CJTF-180)
"That's FUBIJAR." COL (CENTCOM) (Fu--ed Up, But I'm Just a Reservist... )
"As far as I'm concerned, I'm the only one that matters in here." COL (CENTCOM)
"No matter how hard this Command beats me down, I am still able to get it up." Maj (EUCOM)
"I keep myself confused on purpose, just in case I am captured and fall into enemy hands!" GO/FO (CENTCOM)
"Cheese-dickery abounds at this Command." LtCol (EUCOM)
"Does anybody around here remember if I did anything this year?" LTC (EUCOM) preparing his Officer Evaluation Report support form
"This is all happening because we had the sympathetic detonation of a stress grenade." Maj (EUCOM) after an insignificant issue became a theater focus because somebody used the "Reply all" function
"I'd be happy to classify this document for you. Could you tell me its classification?" GS11 (EUCOM) in an email from the Foreign Disclosure office
"Nothing is too good for you guys...and that's exactly what you're gonna get..." LTC (EUCOM) describing the way Army policy is formulated
"The only thing that sucks worse than being me is being you..." LTC (EUCOM)
"Why should I worry? Nobody here outranks me by that much." MAJ (SOCEUR) briefing a group of 0-6s
"I have to know what I don't know..." Col (CENTCOM) during a shift changeover briefing
"No. Now I'm simply confused at a higher level..." Foreign GO/FO when asked if he had any questions following a transformation brief at JFCOM
"I'm planning on taking the weekend off...notionally..." LT (EUCOM) midway through a huge, simulated command exercise
"'Leaning forward' is really just the first phase of 'falling on your face.'" Col (MARFOREUR)
"I've heard of 'buzzwords' before but I have never experienced a 'buzz sentence' or a 'buzz paragraph' until today." Maj (EUCOM) after listening to a JFCOM trainer/mentor
"We've got to start collaborating between the collaboration systems." (Centcom)
"Our plan for the Olympics is to take all the ops and put it in the special room we have developed for ops." GO/FO (EUCOM)
"Did you hear that they're canning Bob Edwards on NPR?" "Why? Did they catch him standing up for the National Anthem or something??" COL to CDR (EUCOM)
"Not to be uncooperative, but we're just being uncooperative." CDR (EUCOM) in an email response to a request for information
"We're from the nuke shop, sir. We're the crazy aunt in the closet that nobody likes to talk about ..." LtCol to GO/FO (EUCOM) in briefings
"We the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much for so long with so little, that we are now qualified to do anything with nothing." Anonymous, but classic...
"The 'L' in CENTCOM stands for leadership..."
"At this Command, we have written in large, black letters: DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) on the back of our security badges." Maj (CENTCOM)
"He cloaked himself in an impenetrable veneer of terminology." Lt Col (JFCOM) describing the JFCOM alpha male
"Transformation has long been the buzzword for those that are dispossessed, dispirited and disillusioned..." Chaplain (EUCOM), allegedly talking about the Disciples...
"There are more disconnects on this issue than CENTCOM has staff officers." GO/FO (EUCOM)
"Is that a Navy or a Marine admiral?" MAJ (EUCOM)
The US Military divides up its world-wide responsibilities into unified, joint-service commands, each with its own set of unique or geographic responsibilities: European Command (EuCom in Military-speak,) Pacific Command (PaCom,) Central Command (CentCom,) Transportation Command (TransCom,) and the like. Each such command is headed up by a four-star general or admiral, each full to the brim with full Colonels and Navy Captains running their little fiefdoms, and each full of lesser beings (such as yours truly) slaving away in their trailer cubicles for the greater good.
Adding to the perpetual state of confusion is the fact that all five Armed Services are there, each speaking a different language, each wearing a different uniform, each wishing some of the others would just go away quietly.
Let me give you a personal example: In 2006, I reported to CentCom as Combat Camera Officer. I wound up working for an Army Colonel (an engineer and West Pointer,) and an Air Force Lt Colonel (another good guy.)
One one particular day, the Air Force LTC was giving me a set of instructions. I was still new to the Joint Staff business, and wanted to impress him with my eagerness.
"Aye, aye, Sir!" I responded.
"What the heck was that?" the Lt Col asked?
"Sir, that's Navy-speak for 'I understand my orders and I will obey,'" I explained.
"Oh, well in the Air Force, we just say, 'That's cool!'"
It is from this baffling joint-service scene that the following list of Staff Officer Quotes is compiled:
--------------------------------------------------
"That was a typo. Instead of 'pot of money,' it should have read 'pot money.' It refers to money spent by OSD after smoking a joint. We have a similar fund we can tap into for financing many of our own ideas. In fact, that's how we got the name 'Joint Staff.'"
LTC (Joint Staff) in an email describing the amount of money available for use on a given project
"I finally figured out that when a Turkish officer tells you, "It's no problem," he means, for him."
Maj (EUCOM, European Command, which is in charge of American operations in Europe)
"Never in the history of the US Armed Forces have so many done so much for so few..." MAJ (Task Force Warrior) on the "success" of the Free Iraqi Forces (FIF) Training Program, where 1100 Army troops trained 77 Iraqi exiles at the cost of, well, way too much...
"Our days are spent trying to get some poor, unsuspecting third world country to pony up to spending a year in a sweltering desert, full of pissed off Arabs who would rather shave the back of their legs with a cheese grater than submit to foreign occupation by a country for whom they have nothing but contempt." LTC (JS) on the joys of coalition building
"OSD (Office of the Secretary of Defense) will continue to drive this cart into the ground long after the wheels have been sold on E-bay." MAJ (JS) on the progress of FIF (Free Iraqi Forces)
"Please don't laugh. This is my job." Maj (EUCOM) from Protocol, explaining in great detail the approved procedures for dropping off VIPs
"I guess the next thing they'll ask for is 300 US citizens with Hungarian last names to send to Iraq..." MAJ (JS) on the often-frustrating process of building the Iraqi coalition for Phase IV
"If we wait until the last minute to do it, it'll only take a minute." MAJ (EUCOM)
"The only reason that anything ever gets done is because there are pockets of competence in every command. The key is to find them...and then exploit the hell out of 'em." CDR (CENTCOM, Central Command, which is in charge operations in Iraq and Afghanistan))
"Working with Hungary is like watching a bad comedy set on auto repeat..." LCDR (EUCOM)
"Between us girls, would it help to clarify the issue if you knew that Hungary is land-locked?" CDR to MAJ (EUCOM) on why a deployment from Hungary is likely to proceed by air vice sea
"We are condemned men who are chained and will row in place until we rot." LtCol (CENTCOM) on life at his Command
"Right now we're pretty much the ham in a bad ham sandwich..." GO/FO (EUCOM)
"So, what do you wanna do?"...
"I dunno, what do YOU wanna do?"...
"I dunno, what do YOU wanna do?," etc. COL (DIA) describing the way OUSD(S) (Undersecretary of Defense for Strategy) develops and implements their strategies
"Let's face it: Africa sucks..." DOS representative (Bureau of African Affairs) at a conference on Africa
"One of the secrets to maintaining my positive attitude in this job is this: I complete no tasker before its time..." MAJ (EUCOM)
"It is nothing for US soldiers to be in the desert for a year without a woman. It is different for us, though, because we are Latin..." LTC (LATAM country) on one of the differences between Latin American soldiers and their US counterparts
"I'll be right back. I have to go pound my nuts flat..." Lt Col (EUCOM) after being assigned a difficult tasker
"I guess this is the wrong power cord for the computer, huh?" LtCol (EUCOM) after the smoke cleared from plugging his 110V computer into a 220V outlet
"OK, this is too stupid for words." LTC (JS)
"When you get right up to the line that you're not supposed to cross, the only person in front of you will be me!" CDR (CENTCOM) on his view of the value of being politically correct in today's military
"There's nothing wrong with crossing that line a little bit, it's jumping over it buck naked that will probably get you in trouble..." Lt Col (EUCOM) responding to the above
"I may be slow, but I do poor work..." MAJ (USAREUR)
"Great! What we really need are some more 0-5s (Lieutenant Colonel) around here..." MAJ (EUCOM) on the release of the list of 0-5 promotables
"Don't ever be the first...don't ever be the last...and don't ever volunteer to do anything...." CDR (EUCOM) relating an ancient Navy truism
"Hey, somebody should really do that..." CDR (CENTCOM) on the CENTCOM tasking process
"Are you sure they aren't writing about us? Hell, at least we should jump on that wholesale desertion thing..." Maj (CENTCOM) on the following report from a newspaper:
"(The Iraqi military was crippled by)...a multitude of erratic orders and strategic miscalculations, while its fighting units barely communicated with one another and were paralyzed from a lack of direction...these woes were compounded by incompetence, poor preparation, craven leadership and (the) wholesale desertions of thousands of soldiers..."
"Cynicism is the smoke that rises from the ashes of burned out dreams." Maj (CENTCOM) on the daily thrashings delivered to AOs (Action Officers) at his Command
"WE are the reason that Rumsfeld hates us..." LTC (EUCOM) doing some standard, Army self-flagellation
"South of the Alps and East of the Adriatic, paranoia is considered mental equilibrium..."
"The chance of success in these talks is the same as the number of "R's" in "fat chance..."" GS-15 (SHAPE)
"His knowledge on that topic is only power point deep..." MAJ (JS)
"We have no position on that issue. In fact, your position IS our position. Could you tell us what our position is?" CDR (TRANSCOM, Transportation Command) at a policy SVTC (Secure Video Teleconference)
"Ya know, in this Command, if the world were supposed to end tomorrow, it would still happen behind schedule." CWO4 (Chief Warrant Officer) (ret) (EUCOM)
"Even if Al-Qaeda nuked this place, the Chief of Staff would approve a 4-star visitor the very next day!" GS-12 (US government employee, grade 12) (EUCOM)
"Never pet a burning dog." LTC (Tennessee National Guard)
"It's basically announcing to the world that I've completely given up." LT (USN F-14 squadron) on his initial feelings behind the wheel of his brand new minivan
"A staff action is like getting an out of state check, countersigned by a fraud on a phony ID: some of the time it clears, but most of the time, you're screwed." Lt Col (USAF)
"I need intelligence, not information." Maj (EUCOM)
"Ah, the joys of Paris: a unique chance to swill warm wine and be mesmerized by the dank ambrosia of unkempt armpits..." LCDR (NAVEUR)
"'Status quo,' as you know, is Latin for 'the mess we're in...'" Attributed to former President Ronald Reagan
"We are now past the good idea cutoff point..." MAJ (JS) on the fact that somebody always tries to "fine tune" a COA with more "good ideas"
"Who are you talking to? ...Hang up the phone!" Lt Col mentoring MAJ (EUCOM) on how to stay in his own lane...
"The hardest thing about having a third child is switching from 1-on-1 to a zone defense." MAJ (EUCOM)
"Nobody ever said you had to be smart to make 0-6 (Colonel)." Col (EUCOM) "I haven't complied with a darn thing and nothing bad has happened to me yet."
"Whatever happened to good old-fashioned military leadership? Just task the first two people you see."
"The first question I ask myself when tasked to do something that's not obviously and overwhelmingly in my own best interest is, 'Exactly what happens if I don't do it?'"
"Accuracy and attention to detail take a certain amount of time." "No need to tip our hand as to how responsive we can be." CDR (EUCOM) in a passdown to his replacement
"I seem to be rapidly approaching the apex of my mediocre career." MAJ (JS)
"I think that my next set of orders will take me to Iraq. My career's going so badly that I'm considered a 'dead-ender.'" LtCol (EUCOM)
"I just realized that this War on Terror might take a little longer than we thought, so I am developing a new system of hanging charts on walls to solve our problem and win the war." LTC (EUCOM) after a review of long range Counter Terrorism (CT) plans
"Much work remains to be done before we can announce our total failure to make any progress."
"None of us is as dumb as all of us." Excerpted from a brief (EUCOM)
"Things are looking up for us here. In fact, Papua-New Guinea is thinking of offering two platoons: one of Infantry (headhunters) and one of engineers (hut builders). They want to eat any Iraqis they kill. We've got no issues with that, but State is being anal about it." LTC (JS) on OIF coalition-building
"It's not a lot of work unless you have to do it." LTC (EUCOM)
"I'm gonna have to leave work early today and probably stay home tomorrow. I'm fighting off a cold and I want to beat it before I start my leave in two days." MAJ (EUCOM)
"Creating smoking holes gives our lives meaning and enhances our manliness." LTC (EUCOM) at a CT conference
"Interagency is a process, not a noun." Anonymous (EUCOM)
"Eventually, we have to 'make nice' with the French, although, since I'm new in my job, I have every expectation that I'll be contradicted." DOS (Department of State) rep at a Counter Terrorism Conference
"Everyone should have an equal chance, but not everyone is equal."
"I am so far down the food chain that I've got plankton bites on my butt."
"You can get drunk enough to do most anything, but you have to realize going in that there are some things that, once you sober up and realize what you have done, will lead you to either grab a 12-gauge or stay drunk for the rest of your life."
"Once you accept that a dog is a dog, you can't get upset when it barks." Lt Col (USSOCOM), excerpts
"That guy just won't take 'yes' for an answer." MAJ (EUCOM)
"Let's just call Lessons Learned what they really are: institutionalized scab picking."
"I can describe what it feels like being a Staff Officer in two words: distilled pain." CDR (NAVEUR)
"When all else fails, simply revel in the absurdity of it all." LCDR (CENTCOM)
"Never attribute to malice that which can be ascribed to sheer stupidity." LTC (CENTCOM)
"They also serve, who sit and surf the NIPR (the Department of Defense's private internet)." CPT (CENTCOM)
"I hear so much about Ft. Bragg. Where is it?" "It's in the western part of southeastern North Carolina." LCDR and CPT (EUCOM)
"I've become the master of nodding my head and acting like I give a sh!t, and then instantly forgetting what the hell a person was saying the moment they walk away." Flag-level Executive Assistant
"Mark my words, this internet thing is gonna catch on someday." LTC (EUCOM)
"You're not a loser. You're just not my kind of winner..." GS-14 (OSD)
"He who strives for the minimum rarely attains it." GS-12 (DOS)
"I'm tired of waiting on somebody who I know is just going to ignore me once they arrive." Lt Col (EUCOM), while waiting to start a brief for a visiting VIP
"If I'd had more time, I'da written a shorter brief..." Derived from the writings of Mark Twain
"Vision without funding is hallucination." Maj (EUCOM)
"I work at EUCOM. I know bullsh!t when I see it." LTC (EUCOM) in a game of office poker
"You only know as much as you don't know." GO (EUCOM)
"I'm just livin' the dream..." EUCOM staffer response to the question, "How's it going?" or, "What are you doing?"
"I'm just ranting...I have nothing useful to say." LTC (EUCOM)
"Why would an enemy want to bomb this place and end all the confusion?" GS-14 (EUCOM)
"How soon before we can give this guy a medal, a good OER, and send him on his way?" GS-12 (EUCOM) referring to his boss
"Other than the fact that there's no beer, an early curfew and women that wear face coverings for a reason, Kabul is really a wonderful place to visit." LTC (CENTCOM)
"It was seen, visually." LTC (EUCOM) during a Reconnaissance briefing
"Let me tell you about the benefits of being on a staff..."
"This should be a short conversation."
LtCol to Lt Col (EUCOM)
"If you want to take down a country, gimme a call. We'll get it done." GO/FO (EUCOM) to a gathering of US Ambassadors
"Hello gentlemen. Are we in today or are you just ignoring my request?" GS-15 (DSCA) in an email to EUCOM staffers
"After seeing the way this place works, I bet that Mickey Mouse wears a EUCOM watch." Maj (EUCOM)
"Your Key Issues are so 2003..." CPT (CJTF-180) in January 2004
"USCENTCOM commanders announced today that they intend to maintain their presence in Qatar "until the sun runs out of hydrogen," thus committing the US to the longest duration deployment in human history. When asked how they planned to maintain the presence in Qatar for a projected length of 4 to 5 billion years, planners said "we're working on a plan for that. We don't have one yet, but not having a plan or an intelligent reason to do something has never been much of an impediment for us in the past; we don't foresee it being a big show stopper for us in the future either." Among the options that were being discussed was an innovative program to "interbreed" the deployed personnel. "We are going to actively encourage the military members in Qatar to intermarry and raise children that will replace them in the future. Sure, it may be a little hard on some of our female service members, since there currently are about 8 men for every woman over there, but we expect that to be OBE as the sex ratios will even out in a
generation or two. In any case the key to the plan is to make these assignments not only permanent, but inheritable and hereditary. For example, if you currently work the JOC weather desk, so will your children, and their children, and their children, ad infinitum. We like to think of it as job security." CPT (CJTF-180)
"That's FUBIJAR." COL (CENTCOM) (Fu--ed Up, But I'm Just a Reservist... )
"As far as I'm concerned, I'm the only one that matters in here." COL (CENTCOM)
"No matter how hard this Command beats me down, I am still able to get it up." Maj (EUCOM)
"I keep myself confused on purpose, just in case I am captured and fall into enemy hands!" GO/FO (CENTCOM)
"Cheese-dickery abounds at this Command." LtCol (EUCOM)
"Does anybody around here remember if I did anything this year?" LTC (EUCOM) preparing his Officer Evaluation Report support form
"This is all happening because we had the sympathetic detonation of a stress grenade." Maj (EUCOM) after an insignificant issue became a theater focus because somebody used the "Reply all" function
"I'd be happy to classify this document for you. Could you tell me its classification?" GS11 (EUCOM) in an email from the Foreign Disclosure office
"Nothing is too good for you guys...and that's exactly what you're gonna get..." LTC (EUCOM) describing the way Army policy is formulated
"The only thing that sucks worse than being me is being you..." LTC (EUCOM)
"Why should I worry? Nobody here outranks me by that much." MAJ (SOCEUR) briefing a group of 0-6s
"I have to know what I don't know..." Col (CENTCOM) during a shift changeover briefing
"No. Now I'm simply confused at a higher level..." Foreign GO/FO when asked if he had any questions following a transformation brief at JFCOM
"I'm planning on taking the weekend off...notionally..." LT (EUCOM) midway through a huge, simulated command exercise
"'Leaning forward' is really just the first phase of 'falling on your face.'" Col (MARFOREUR)
"I've heard of 'buzzwords' before but I have never experienced a 'buzz sentence' or a 'buzz paragraph' until today." Maj (EUCOM) after listening to a JFCOM trainer/mentor
"We've got to start collaborating between the collaboration systems." (Centcom)
"Our plan for the Olympics is to take all the ops and put it in the special room we have developed for ops." GO/FO (EUCOM)
"Did you hear that they're canning Bob Edwards on NPR?" "Why? Did they catch him standing up for the National Anthem or something??" COL to CDR (EUCOM)
"Not to be uncooperative, but we're just being uncooperative." CDR (EUCOM) in an email response to a request for information
"We're from the nuke shop, sir. We're the crazy aunt in the closet that nobody likes to talk about ..." LtCol to GO/FO (EUCOM) in briefings
"We the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much for so long with so little, that we are now qualified to do anything with nothing." Anonymous, but classic...
"The 'L' in CENTCOM stands for leadership..."
"At this Command, we have written in large, black letters: DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) on the back of our security badges." Maj (CENTCOM)
"He cloaked himself in an impenetrable veneer of terminology." Lt Col (JFCOM) describing the JFCOM alpha male
"Transformation has long been the buzzword for those that are dispossessed, dispirited and disillusioned..." Chaplain (EUCOM), allegedly talking about the Disciples...
"There are more disconnects on this issue than CENTCOM has staff officers." GO/FO (EUCOM)
"Is that a Navy or a Marine admiral?" MAJ (EUCOM)
Friday, June 11, 2010
Are you worth our service and sacrifice?
"The two highest achievements of the human mind are the twin concepts of 'loyalty' and 'duty.' Whenever these twin concepts fall into disrepute---get out of there fast! You may possibly save yourself, but it is too late to save that society. It is doomed." Robert A. Heinlein, the Notebooks of Lazarus Long
When the Vietnam War ended, one of every two American households with children in it had a direct family connection to the United States Armed Forces. Someone in that family had, in the past generation or the present, written a blank check to the government and the people it represents, and made that check payable on moment's notice and with their lives.
Since that time, the number of our households with a tie to the military services now has dropped to less than one in 40.
At the same time, more than 75% of members of the United States Congress were military veterans. Now, that number has dwindled to less than 17 percent, and still declining.
What's my point?
Fewer and fewer of us are carrying the burden of freedom for more and more of us.
I was watching some customers at our store browsing the televisions and other electronic toys the other day. Many of them now are beginning to think about spending some disposable cash again. The topic most discussed was either (a) how hard it was to buy a Father's Day present for the Man Who Had Everything, or (b) whether the US had a chance in the World Cup soccer matches.
At the same time, the news that day had run a brief note on the deaths of American servicemen in Afghanistan. Seventeen young Americans had come to a violent end at the hands of Islamic extremists ... extremists, mind you, whose global websites are promising to do the same sorts of damage to US ... and yet most people have little or no emotional connection to the courage, service and sacrifice of those brave young soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines.
The War is something "other" people do.
This diminishing connection has a couple of potentially far-reaching side effects.
As unpopular and unsuccessful as the Draft was, back in the early 1970s, it DID guarantee a fresh infusion of American cultural thought into the Armed Forces every few months. Most of our soldiers were really civilians at heart, and levened the culture of our military with their democratic thoughts and ideas.
However, since the end of the Draft, the military has become more and more politicized and culturally conservative. My father (a career Army officer) used to boast that neither he nore his brother career officers ever voted, so fearful were they of becoming part of a politicized military. Yet now, not only do we military people vote, we vote almost monolithically Republican and conservative.
And some career officers and NCOs are beginning to look down their noses at "...those nasty civilians..." a clear sign of a widening gap between the military culture and the population it is sworn to protect.
From the other side, I have spoken countless times to parents who have absolutely NO desire to see their children serve anything larger than a (hopefully) growing bank account. Service to society (in or out of uniform) may be fine for others, they feel, but their kid is too good for that.
School districts refuse to allow military recruiters access to students, but welcome university recruiters and even some corporate recruiters on career days. Many teachers feel military service is for "losers" who can't get into a college
Yet statistics show annually that only a small percentage of college freshman make it all the way through to graduation...clearly a sign that college isn't right for everyone. Yet a few years of military service, once though a valid path to adulthood and citizenship, is looked down upon by many academics.
So now I wonder if Heinlein was right. Are we too far gone in socialized selfishness as a nation to fight our way back to the spirit of volunteerism that made our country great? Is there never to be another Greatest Generation?
I have had the honor of serving with true heroes ... people who stepped up to the plate after 9/11 and said, in effect, "Send me, Sir ... I'll go." Their willingness to go in Harm's Way is something I treasure and place great hope in for our collective future.
I just hope we're worth it.
When the Vietnam War ended, one of every two American households with children in it had a direct family connection to the United States Armed Forces. Someone in that family had, in the past generation or the present, written a blank check to the government and the people it represents, and made that check payable on moment's notice and with their lives.
Since that time, the number of our households with a tie to the military services now has dropped to less than one in 40.
At the same time, more than 75% of members of the United States Congress were military veterans. Now, that number has dwindled to less than 17 percent, and still declining.
What's my point?
Fewer and fewer of us are carrying the burden of freedom for more and more of us.
I was watching some customers at our store browsing the televisions and other electronic toys the other day. Many of them now are beginning to think about spending some disposable cash again. The topic most discussed was either (a) how hard it was to buy a Father's Day present for the Man Who Had Everything, or (b) whether the US had a chance in the World Cup soccer matches.
At the same time, the news that day had run a brief note on the deaths of American servicemen in Afghanistan. Seventeen young Americans had come to a violent end at the hands of Islamic extremists ... extremists, mind you, whose global websites are promising to do the same sorts of damage to US ... and yet most people have little or no emotional connection to the courage, service and sacrifice of those brave young soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines.
The War is something "other" people do.
This diminishing connection has a couple of potentially far-reaching side effects.
As unpopular and unsuccessful as the Draft was, back in the early 1970s, it DID guarantee a fresh infusion of American cultural thought into the Armed Forces every few months. Most of our soldiers were really civilians at heart, and levened the culture of our military with their democratic thoughts and ideas.
However, since the end of the Draft, the military has become more and more politicized and culturally conservative. My father (a career Army officer) used to boast that neither he nore his brother career officers ever voted, so fearful were they of becoming part of a politicized military. Yet now, not only do we military people vote, we vote almost monolithically Republican and conservative.
And some career officers and NCOs are beginning to look down their noses at "...those nasty civilians..." a clear sign of a widening gap between the military culture and the population it is sworn to protect.
From the other side, I have spoken countless times to parents who have absolutely NO desire to see their children serve anything larger than a (hopefully) growing bank account. Service to society (in or out of uniform) may be fine for others, they feel, but their kid is too good for that.
School districts refuse to allow military recruiters access to students, but welcome university recruiters and even some corporate recruiters on career days. Many teachers feel military service is for "losers" who can't get into a college
Yet statistics show annually that only a small percentage of college freshman make it all the way through to graduation...clearly a sign that college isn't right for everyone. Yet a few years of military service, once though a valid path to adulthood and citizenship, is looked down upon by many academics.
So now I wonder if Heinlein was right. Are we too far gone in socialized selfishness as a nation to fight our way back to the spirit of volunteerism that made our country great? Is there never to be another Greatest Generation?
I have had the honor of serving with true heroes ... people who stepped up to the plate after 9/11 and said, in effect, "Send me, Sir ... I'll go." Their willingness to go in Harm's Way is something I treasure and place great hope in for our collective future.
I just hope we're worth it.
Friday, June 4, 2010
The past isn't just prologue. It's pretext
OK, SO I TOOK MY FIREARMS OVER TO THE CREDIT UNION YESTERDAY ... wanted to get a list of all the makes, models and serial numbers notarized. (You want proof of ownership? Take THAT Mr. Fancy Pants District Attorney!) The bank manager didn't think it'd be a great idea for me to bring all the guns into the credit union, so we agreed to do the list-checking and serial number accounting out in the parking lot.
(Jeez, heavily armed credit union member packing heavy into the bank lobby...why so sensitive Mr. Credit Union Manager?)
I wondered in advance if we should call the Milwaukee Police and let them know what we were going to be doing ... Nah, I thought ... why ask for trouble? He and I schlepped out into the parking lot, dropped the back of the truck, and started opening rifle and pistol cases.
"So tell me," I asked the manager, "Is this the weirdest request you've ever had from a credit union member?"
"I gotta' say it's in my top five," he answered.
"Do you think we should call the police and let them know," I asked him?
"Nah," he said, "why ask for trouble?"
As I opened one rifle case after another, pcked up the glistening firearm inside, racked open the slide, and then showed him the model and serial number, I glanced at the tall buildings all around us and wondered if anyone was watching us handle a bunch of firearms in the back of a pickup truck, and what it must have looked like.
"Hmmm," the old lady in her window must have wondered, "Why is that nice bank manager buying firearms from that disreputable-looking person with the pickup truck?"
(Did I mention that I was slightly disreputable-looking that day, and that I drive a fire engine red pickup? No? My bad.)
Nevertheless, the manager and I made it through all 15 firearms -- rifles and pistols both -- when it happend. A Milwaukee Police Dept squad car pulled up a few feet away from us and stopped.
The police officer sat behind the wheel, sending a text message of some sort. "God," I said, "He must be calling for backup. ... I better go over and talk to him." So I walked the short distance to the cop car and stood there. He continued to text message.
Finally, he glanced up at me and seemed surprised. He rolled down the window, and said, "Can I help you?" I replied, "Uh, no ... can I help you?" What do you mean?" he asked. "Don't you have some questions for us?" I offered. "Ahh, OK ... how's it going," he asked.
"Um, no ... I, uh, I mean, aren't you here because of us?" I stammered. "Nope, I just pulled over to send a text message," the cop replied. "Why, did you call for a police officer?" Then he saw the tailgate of my pickup truck, still laden with a shiny AR-15 carbine, with red dot scope and collapsible stock. He looked back at me, raised an eyebrow, waited for me to say something.
"Officer I can explain," I stammered. "I'll bet this is going to be good," the cop replied.
I hastened to explain that I was retired military, and that I was having all my firearms listed and the list notarized, to provide proof of ownership.
"Why not do that inside?" the cop asked. Then he shook his head. "On second thought, I can see that would have created some real consternation from the other people inside. Why ask for trouble?"
Bottom Line: the cop drove away laughing hysterically. The Credit Union manager, who had stood stoically throughout it all, later admitted he had been mentally kissing his banking career goodbye. "I thought we were soooo busted," he said.
"Is this something you're going to bring up at the next branch manager meeting?" I asked. He shook his head.
"No, who'd believe it?" he replied, adding, "But I AM going to tell my grandkids about it!"
(Jeez, heavily armed credit union member packing heavy into the bank lobby...why so sensitive Mr. Credit Union Manager?)
I wondered in advance if we should call the Milwaukee Police and let them know what we were going to be doing ... Nah, I thought ... why ask for trouble? He and I schlepped out into the parking lot, dropped the back of the truck, and started opening rifle and pistol cases.
"So tell me," I asked the manager, "Is this the weirdest request you've ever had from a credit union member?"
"I gotta' say it's in my top five," he answered.
"Do you think we should call the police and let them know," I asked him?
"Nah," he said, "why ask for trouble?"
As I opened one rifle case after another, pcked up the glistening firearm inside, racked open the slide, and then showed him the model and serial number, I glanced at the tall buildings all around us and wondered if anyone was watching us handle a bunch of firearms in the back of a pickup truck, and what it must have looked like.
"Hmmm," the old lady in her window must have wondered, "Why is that nice bank manager buying firearms from that disreputable-looking person with the pickup truck?"
(Did I mention that I was slightly disreputable-looking that day, and that I drive a fire engine red pickup? No? My bad.)
Nevertheless, the manager and I made it through all 15 firearms -- rifles and pistols both -- when it happend. A Milwaukee Police Dept squad car pulled up a few feet away from us and stopped.
The police officer sat behind the wheel, sending a text message of some sort. "God," I said, "He must be calling for backup. ... I better go over and talk to him." So I walked the short distance to the cop car and stood there. He continued to text message.
Finally, he glanced up at me and seemed surprised. He rolled down the window, and said, "Can I help you?" I replied, "Uh, no ... can I help you?" What do you mean?" he asked. "Don't you have some questions for us?" I offered. "Ahh, OK ... how's it going," he asked.
"Um, no ... I, uh, I mean, aren't you here because of us?" I stammered. "Nope, I just pulled over to send a text message," the cop replied. "Why, did you call for a police officer?" Then he saw the tailgate of my pickup truck, still laden with a shiny AR-15 carbine, with red dot scope and collapsible stock. He looked back at me, raised an eyebrow, waited for me to say something.
"Officer I can explain," I stammered. "I'll bet this is going to be good," the cop replied.
I hastened to explain that I was retired military, and that I was having all my firearms listed and the list notarized, to provide proof of ownership.
"Why not do that inside?" the cop asked. Then he shook his head. "On second thought, I can see that would have created some real consternation from the other people inside. Why ask for trouble?"
Bottom Line: the cop drove away laughing hysterically. The Credit Union manager, who had stood stoically throughout it all, later admitted he had been mentally kissing his banking career goodbye. "I thought we were soooo busted," he said.
"Is this something you're going to bring up at the next branch manager meeting?" I asked. He shook his head.
"No, who'd believe it?" he replied, adding, "But I AM going to tell my grandkids about it!"
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Innocent until damned for lack of evidence?
Silly me, I had always assumed that we were innocent until proven otherwise. (What my not-so-sainted father had evidently neglected to tell me when he taught me that, was that one's innocence often depends upon whom is in control of the local government at the time.) So, OK ...thereupon hangs a tale:
While I was on deployment, my son's roomate went bonkers and broke into the weapons locker, grabbed a pistol, called the Milwaukee Police Department and swore he was going to hurt himself. Milwaukee's finest showed up, took afore-mentioned thoroughly bonkered roomate into detention, and then promptly (and properly, I might add,) confiscated the weapons, the ammunition, and even the broken weapons locker.
Is this a good time to mention the fact that I have no problem with any of this, so far?
My part in all this began when I came home from deployment, and had to petition the Milwaukee municipal government for return of my own firearms.
Did I mention the fact that I -- so far -- have no problem with any of this? Thought I had.
OK ... so I call the MPD, and am given a sheaf of papers to fill out, make quadrupicate copies of all of them, and am given a pre-printed list of everyone who needs to get a copy.
The list also demanded I provide proof of ownership. Hmmm....I said to myself, "Self? This could be a problem," as many of the receipts from the original firearms sales had gone astray over the years.
I called the BATF, who track ALL firearms purchases. Yes, they replied, they'd be happy to supply me with copies of the sales documents for all my firearms ... IF I happened to be a police officer.
"But it's the police who are demanding this proof," I said, flustered. "Well, then they'll have to write letters asking for our assistance." "Letters, in plural?" I asked. "Yes, they'll have to write one letter for each firearm," the BATF-type answered smugly.
So I called MPD again, and told them they'd have to request the documents. "That's not what we do here," the investigating officer replied. (Hear that noise in the background? That's the walls beginning to move in. Just imagine that scene in Star Wars when our heroes land in a starship trash compactor, and one of them spouts, "I've got a bad feeling about this.")
"I've got a bad feeling about this," I said to the detective.
Undeterred (well, mostly, anyway,) I wrote out long narratives describing each firearm and how it came into our family. N.B. a couple of those pieces have been in our family for decades ... certainly long before record-keeping was a requirement.
The day of the court hearing arrived, and so did I, making sure to wear my US Navy polo shirt (Hell, maybe they're patriotic! Hey, it could happen!) and a clean pair of khaki pants.
Fortunately, the magistrate who heard the case was sympathetic -- especially since no crime had ever been committed with the afore-mentioned firearms.
But the District Attorney hadn't had HIS turn yet. "Your honor, there is some question about legitimate ownership, here," he said. "Mr. Breyfogle has not submitted proof of ownership documents."
I explained that the DA or his police detectives could gain those documents anytime they wanted, but us Commoners had as little access to our OWN RECORDS as I currently had to my own firearms.
The magistrated snorted at that, nodding his head.
Bottom line: I squeaked by and was granted ownership of my own property. (It still took a court order and several weeks until the MPD grudgingly returned my property to me.)
I checked with a local gunshop owner, and he nodded. Nothing new there, he said. "The MPD is trying to get all guns off the streets and out of peoples' hands," he said. "They figure if they take yours, then that's a few less they have to pry out of someone's hands in the future."
Excuse me? Weren't there those guys in the powdered wigs and pantaloons, otherwise known as the Founding Fathers, who went to war against a superpower for the rights to life, liberty and PROPERTY? (Check it out ... that bit about "pursuit of happiness" was a later draft ... and no, I was NOT there to has it out with them.)
While I was on deployment, my son's roomate went bonkers and broke into the weapons locker, grabbed a pistol, called the Milwaukee Police Department and swore he was going to hurt himself. Milwaukee's finest showed up, took afore-mentioned thoroughly bonkered roomate into detention, and then promptly (and properly, I might add,) confiscated the weapons, the ammunition, and even the broken weapons locker.
Is this a good time to mention the fact that I have no problem with any of this, so far?
My part in all this began when I came home from deployment, and had to petition the Milwaukee municipal government for return of my own firearms.
Did I mention the fact that I -- so far -- have no problem with any of this? Thought I had.
OK ... so I call the MPD, and am given a sheaf of papers to fill out, make quadrupicate copies of all of them, and am given a pre-printed list of everyone who needs to get a copy.
The list also demanded I provide proof of ownership. Hmmm....I said to myself, "Self? This could be a problem," as many of the receipts from the original firearms sales had gone astray over the years.
I called the BATF, who track ALL firearms purchases. Yes, they replied, they'd be happy to supply me with copies of the sales documents for all my firearms ... IF I happened to be a police officer.
"But it's the police who are demanding this proof," I said, flustered. "Well, then they'll have to write letters asking for our assistance." "Letters, in plural?" I asked. "Yes, they'll have to write one letter for each firearm," the BATF-type answered smugly.
So I called MPD again, and told them they'd have to request the documents. "That's not what we do here," the investigating officer replied. (Hear that noise in the background? That's the walls beginning to move in. Just imagine that scene in Star Wars when our heroes land in a starship trash compactor, and one of them spouts, "I've got a bad feeling about this.")
"I've got a bad feeling about this," I said to the detective.
Undeterred (well, mostly, anyway,) I wrote out long narratives describing each firearm and how it came into our family. N.B. a couple of those pieces have been in our family for decades ... certainly long before record-keeping was a requirement.
The day of the court hearing arrived, and so did I, making sure to wear my US Navy polo shirt (Hell, maybe they're patriotic! Hey, it could happen!) and a clean pair of khaki pants.
Fortunately, the magistrate who heard the case was sympathetic -- especially since no crime had ever been committed with the afore-mentioned firearms.
But the District Attorney hadn't had HIS turn yet. "Your honor, there is some question about legitimate ownership, here," he said. "Mr. Breyfogle has not submitted proof of ownership documents."
I explained that the DA or his police detectives could gain those documents anytime they wanted, but us Commoners had as little access to our OWN RECORDS as I currently had to my own firearms.
The magistrated snorted at that, nodding his head.
Bottom line: I squeaked by and was granted ownership of my own property. (It still took a court order and several weeks until the MPD grudgingly returned my property to me.)
I checked with a local gunshop owner, and he nodded. Nothing new there, he said. "The MPD is trying to get all guns off the streets and out of peoples' hands," he said. "They figure if they take yours, then that's a few less they have to pry out of someone's hands in the future."
Excuse me? Weren't there those guys in the powdered wigs and pantaloons, otherwise known as the Founding Fathers, who went to war against a superpower for the rights to life, liberty and PROPERTY? (Check it out ... that bit about "pursuit of happiness" was a later draft ... and no, I was NOT there to has it out with them.)
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
I need this like a growth, but here I am
I really need this like I need a brain tumor ... but you can only say so much on FaceBook...and God knows my family is sick of listening to me rant.
But I'm an aging ex-Sailor who refuses to "...surrender gracefully the things of thy youth ..." (Yeah, but that pontificating Persian wrote that when he was barely out of his 20s.) So while here, I promise to try and entertain, enlighten, embalm ... whatever. (I can lay claim to that last sequence ... I think it was Larry, Moe and Curly that first used in in public.) I'll talk about guns, government and the like when the spirit(s) move me, and whenever readers stir me up.
But I'm an aging ex-Sailor who refuses to "...surrender gracefully the things of thy youth ..." (Yeah, but that pontificating Persian wrote that when he was barely out of his 20s.) So while here, I promise to try and entertain, enlighten, embalm ... whatever. (I can lay claim to that last sequence ... I think it was Larry, Moe and Curly that first used in in public.) I'll talk about guns, government and the like when the spirit(s) move me, and whenever readers stir me up.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
