Football is a game, not a religion ... except maybe in Wisconsin

OK, I admit it. Never was into football much. I guess I never did get it ... the adoration we as a nation heap upon these millionaires who make a living chasing a ball around a field. I mean, they play a GAME for a living ... a game ... like checkers ... or (better yet) Monopoly.

Frankly, I get it even less now. Allow me to elucidate.

I live in Wisconsin, where the state bird is the mosquito, the state symbol is the orange traffic construction barrel, and the state motto is "Go Packers." The Packers' arch nemesis, the Evil that Dwells in Chicago, (just about an hour's drive south of the state line,) must never be named aloud without also adding "Da Bears Still Suck."

There's something about Illinois in general, and Chicago in particular, that is just awful in the eyes of most Wisconsinites. One of the most oft-heard jokes up here is: (Q) What's the difference between a Cheesehead and a Dickhead? (A) The Illinois state line.

(OK, I realize this isn't all that unusual. I recall serving in Cuba with some soldiers from the Rhode Island National Guard. Some of the soldiers were from neighboring Massachusetts, and were generally referred to as the "Masshole Contingent.") But then again, Massachusetts and Rhode Island don't wrap themselves around two archrival NFL football teams like we do.

So the Packers beat the Bears yesterday and are on their way to the Superbowl.

Who cares?

Am I the only one who thinks that all this drunken celebration is unseemly in the midst of two wars? Am I the only one who thinks that few, if any, of these millionaire jocks are worth of all this adulation? How many of these millionaires show the same loyalty to US that their fans show them? (Once upon a time, we in Wisconsin actually BELIEVED that Brett Favre was loyal to his fans and would never leave. Hah!) How many of these NFL players have ever taken their massive wealth and truly helped helped others? Then again, how many of these steroidal behemoths have prison records?

Are they really worth all this? How have they helped improve the human condition?

You want some heroes in your lives? You need look no further than:

* the public school teacher who wonders how she can afford to purchase school supplies -- or even coats! -- for her impoverished students;

* the firefighter who, in defiance of all instinct and logic, rushes INTO a burning building;

* the solder, sailor, airman or Marine who's shivvering in a fighting position and can't remember the last hot meal

Heroes are all around us, and really deserve adulation. Damned few of them play football for a living.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell 'Cause it's None of My Business

OK ... the Senate has gone and done it, and perhaps we'll all survive. But kindly allow me to weigh in on the matter, and to opine on why doing away with Don't Ask Don't Tell is not such a great idea after all.

To all my liberal friends, please do me the dual courtesies of believing that I'm a good person at heart, willing to listen to a good argument, and that I have what I believe are the best interests of our Armed Forces at heart.

Settle in... this is gonna' take a moment.

We in the Service (notice my use of that word ... we almost never say we're in "the Military"...) live in each other's hip pockets. When we enlist or join, we voluntarily sign away some of our constitutional rights. The right to privacy, the right to peaceably assemble and petittion for redress of grievances, the right to a trial by a jury of our peers, freedom of speech, all become parts of our civilian pasts when we join up. We know this going in and are OK with it, mostly, because we believe our civilian leaders won't use and abuse us ... and we believe(d) that MOST of them have shared our uniformed lot in life once or twice in their non-political pasts.

OK ... that last one has already gone by the boards. A vanishingly tiny percentage of our political leaders have ever worn their country's uniform, probably have NEVER slept in a barracks or berthing compartment aboard ship, and have NO idea what our lives are like. And yet they loudly proclaim that they know what is best for uniformed service members.

Let's take that last idea and explore it, shall we?

On some ships and in some posts, we live in open-bay compartments, crammed cheek-by-jowl ... 50 men to a room. We live together, we eat together, we shower together. We have utterly surrendered any expectations of privacy in government quarters. (Our lockers can be opened by any officer on duty who feels an inspection is in order.) Some barracks don't even have doors on the toilets! The very LAST private facet of our lives that we don't surrender is our sexual identity.

Yet we find ways to make this fishbowl existence work. We don't look, and we hope no one is looking back.

Ever been to Japan? It may surprise some to know that in such a conservative country, they nevertheless practice communal bathing. They make it work, I am told, by drawing a mental curtain of privacy about themselves and telling themselves, "It's OK ... no one is looking." Life in a barracks MUST of necessity be like that! It only works when you can tell yourself "No one is looking."

Repealing D.A.D.T. tears that mental curtain asunder.

Next, to those who say America's Armed Forces must reflect American Society, I agree ... BUT, I remind you that the American military is NOT some sort of social laboratory! We exist outside of society's norms and outside of part of the constitutional rights you all take for granted. (Right to trial by a jury of your peers? HAH! Ever look at the composition of a Court Martial? Those colonels and generals sitting in judgement are hardly the peers of the corporals and sergeants in the dock!) We fight when we must (mostly) for each other! Anything that in any way hinders or curtails that unit cohesion must also curtail that unit's fighting ability.

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, D.A.N.T. is a working principle! At no time has our national ability to wage war ever been hindered by this! (I don't doubt that we've lost some good soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines due to this over the years, but our national warfighting ability has remained solid.)

And to my gay friends in uniform, whose identities I never knew, I honor your service. But can't you see that the moment you stand up and say, "Look at me! I'm gay. I serve in uniform and it's OK" you commit the cardinal (military) sin of taking everyone's eyes OFF the unit and the mission and calling attention to yourself? THAT VERY ACT CURTAILS UNIT COHESION!

I remember when women were first being recruited into the Navy in once-male career fields, such as aviation electronics and engine mechanics. I remember walking around my squadron's hangar, seeing all the Playboy and Penthouse centerfolds hanging on office and maintenance bay walls, and wondering, "Hmmm, now that women are here, aren't we all going to have to keep our sex lives more private?"

And so it came to pass. Sexuality (rightly) has no place in a hangar, on a ship, in a squad bay or in any sort of military environment anymore.

Keeping your sexuality -- straight or gay -- to yourself is just good manners in a crowded barracks ... NOT the same as "living a lie."

So, just as my sexuality is none of your business, yours is none of mine. Don't ask ... Don't tell.

Things I learned today while firing my 1943 Mosin Nagant for the first time

Today was the day I set aside for me and my Mosin Nagant. After hours of painstakingly cleaning and restoring this WWII firearm, I took it out to the rifle range for the first time. As an advocate of lifelong-learning, I can report that the rifle range at Eagle, Wisconsin, became a learning lab for life lessons in short order.

To wit:

1. Take your time, 'cause you're going to need it -- Rapid fire on a bolt-action Mosin Nagant approaches the speed of muzzle-loading musketry. With my AR-15, I can empty a 30-round clip in a matter of seconds. With the balky action of the MG, I average two rounds a minute.

2. Bring heavy tackle in your range box -- The bolt action is renowned for actually tightening up as you shoot, instead of the other way 'round. By the end of my range time, despite pounding several boxes of ammo downrange, I was having to pound on the bolt lever with my fist to cycle the next round. (I now have a lever-shaped bruise on my right fist). Next time, I'm going to use my truck's bumper jack.

3. Moose? Mule? Forget it! -- The Mosin Nagant is legendary for having a recoil like a (insert your angry wildlife of choice here.) Not even close. Even though I was prepared for it, the recoil physically knocked me back at the firing bench every time. Mule? Feh! Moose? Hah! This rifle kicks like a pissed-off pickup truck, and I loved every minute of it!

4. Perspective plays funny tricks on MG shooters -- I actually had the good fortune to stand inside Turret #2 on the Battleship Wisconsin when she fired her 16-inch, 66-foot-long cannons in a ferocious broadside barrage. I recall the dumpster-sized breach of the gun looking like a runaway semi-truck as the massive recoil sent it hurtling towards me. Today, with the steel bolt of the Mosin Nagant only inches from my eye, it had much the same look and feel (and sound levels)

5. Always check your pockets first -- When firing this rifle, always, ALWAYS go through your shirt pockets first. I didn't and now am sporting a bruise on my right shoulder in the shape of a Sensa all-aluminum ballpoint pen. A glance at the photo above will show me cradling, not only the Mosin Nagant, but also a wounded shoulder. After a full day at the range, your chiropractor is your new best friend.

6. The Mosin Nagant aims high ... real high -- The rear sights are calibrated out to 1,000 meters, and legend has it the bullet will actually travel that far and hit what you aim at. But the ungodly amount of power this round has cause it to aim somewhat high on a mere 100-yard rifle range. Thus this rifle would make a handy anti-aircraft gun -- if you could just figure out a way to get the aircraft to hold still long enough for you to cycle the bolt lever.

7. Zombies? Schmombies! -- Commonly held wisdom says that, when the zombie apocalypse comes, and the walking dead are shouldering the living aside for the best seats on the bus, we (the armed living, that is) should aim for their heads to put them down. Hah! All I have to do with my Mosin Nagant is aim for the center of a reasonably-sized group of zombies, and the bullet's shockwave will knock 'em all down like ninepins.

8. What's in a name(s)? -- My ancient rifle-shaped relic generated much good-natured talk out on the rifle range today. It's amazing how creative people can become when trying to pronounce a name that's half-Russian, half-Belgian. "MOH-sin naa-GANT," or "MOY-zeen no-GAUNT," or (perhaps attempting to attach some sort of Hebrew heritage to my rifle,) "MOH-ses NEW-gun" were just a few of the attempts. For the last time, it's pronounced "

MOH-zeen NAH-gone," or even, "This-goddam-sawed-off-cross-between-a-howitzer-and-a-railroad-tie."

9. Maybe the safest place to be is right in front of the targets -- After watching my fellow shooters, I reasoned that Wisconsin's nine-day Deer Hunting Season, which opens in a few days, is a great time to stay out of the woods. In short order, I witnessed: a nearby shooter staring down the barrel of his (loaded) rifle to see if there was a bullet in the chamber; a fellow shooter startled by his rifle's recoil, get knocked back and fire a quick second round through the roof of the range; and a third shooter cursing and swearing at his rifle (which was chambered in Winchester .30-30,) because it refused to chamber a round. A quick examination showed that he was attempting to load a .30-06 shell into the chamber. "Well, THAT wouldn't have ended well," muttered the range safety officer, walking away and shaking his head.

I quite agree.

"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".

Veterans Day is here again, and a glance on the 'Net or in your local newspaper will reveal that most people think: (A) Memorial Day is a time to plan a picnic or barbecue, and (B) Veterans Day is a time for a sale at your local retail outlet.

I guess I'm sort of OK with that. Sort of.

To my fellow citizens, speaking as someone who is a veteran and who also happens to work in a retail outlet, I say, "Thank you for your ecomonic stimulus by shopping."

But I hasten to remind you also, take a look at your parents and grandparents and -- especially if they fought in WWII, Korea or Vietnam -- take a moment and thank them for their service to a country which all-too-often breaks its promises to military people. Then ask your parents and grandparents to share some military stories with you. (Don't expect too many combat stories. That's something not often shared.)

But there's a lot to talk about with them.

I hear that WWII veterans are leaving us at the rate of about 1,000-per-day, taking their experiences and their wisdom from our ken. Make SURE you and your families assemble an oral history of their experiences before it's all gone for good.

And to my fellow veterans, I would add: "It's OK that they don't always remember us. We got what we wanted...a free country."

Musings on a new rifle rack

Let me be clear ... there was absolutely NO blank spot on my office wall crying out for more clutter. Shifting things around on the wall to make room was tantamount to a sheriff's eviction of some poor squatter (on my wall, mind you, not necessarily in my office) in order to make room for the new rack. (That's RIFLE rack! Get your minds out of the gutter!)

But the wall wanted a rifle rack. Everytime I glanced over at my Geoff Hunt Napoleonic Navy prints, with row upon row of US Navy coffee mugs displayed below them, I saw in my mind five or six stacked, gleaming, metal-wood-and-plastic beauties in their place.

Mind you, there was nothing wrong with the rifles' previous storage. Kathy and I built an "armory" when we first moved in here, that would provide all the firearms a safe, dry storage area, standing (locked!) in their transport cases.

Gun owners will understand, tho. Fully HALF the joy of owning a quality firearm is just GAZING at the darned thing -- polished and lethal-looking -- in a place of pride where you and the rest of the world can see it.

Even though I've read the Aubrey/Maturin series of novels of the British Navy in the Napoleonic era 15 or 16 times, I never would look at the Hunt prints in my office and imagine myself aboard a square-rigged ship of the line. (For a modern sailor like myself, it always seems like WAAAY too much work, and some of the wormiest, lousiest food in the world.)

But like the fine pieces of machinery they are, fine rifles displayed on a wall (you should pardon the expression) "fire" the imagination.

Looking at the AR-15, I can almost feel the semi-anemic recoil, and hear the high-pitched "Clack" it makes as the bolt comes flying back. Looking at the M-14, I can almost feel the smooth, oiled action and hear the roar as it pounds rounds downrange. I can sense the weight of the darned thing, and the natural way it shoulders and fits itself to my hands. Looking WAAAY up at the 1943 Mosin/Nagant on the top rack, my shoulder twinges at the thought of firing the beast in the spring ... and I can't wait to feel the ache in my shoulder from a full day at the range with it. (Provided some historian can unearth some ammo for it.) Looking at the thorougly modern Steyr's blunt muzzle, I am reminded that the Assault Weapons Ban has finally expired, and that it now would be legal to put a genuine flash hider of muzzle brake on this rifle. (The current blank barrel just looks so ... abrupt. I mean, this rifle wants a HAT!)

So one of the Geoff Hunt prints came down, and a homemade rack went up on the wall, perched right over my red rolling tool cabinet/camera storage unit.

Some pounding and cursing later, the rifles now adorn my office wall: Mosin/Nagant M91/30; Springfield Armory M-1A (the civilian version of the veteran M-14); DPMS AR-15 carbine; Steyr USR rifle; and the Fabrique Nationale PS-90.

Looking at the rifles now, I have discovered that (RATS!) some rifles just don't sit well with others.

The top two, all fine oak, mahoghany and blued steel, are just classic and timeless. Holding them, one can almost smell smoke from campfires and battlefields around the world.

But the other three look like something from Star Wars: all swept back fiberglass and scoped steel. Perched under the older models, they almost look WRONG!

(Sigh)

Well, they're just going to have to learn from their diversity, 'cause there's way too much clutter on my office walls to fit another rifle rack. (Although, maybe the Hunt prints all want to go into storage awhile. Hmmmmm)

Murphy's Laws of Combat

Young Mr. Murphy was a practical man... one's of the world's foremost pragmatists. He was the first to codify the difference between what military people are told ... and what really awaits them in the world.

It's kind of the military version of "The Biggest Lies in the World," (The check is in the mail,) and(Yes, of COURSE I'll respect you in the morning...)

I've been compiling Mr. Murphy's real-world laws of combat and here they are:

1. Friendly fire - isn't.

2. Suppressive fires – won’t.

3. Recoilles rifles – aren’t.

4. Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo.

5. Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire

6. Don’t draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.

7. You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.

7. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.

8. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

9. If at first you don't succeed, call in an airstrike.

10. If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.

11. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

12. Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.

13. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

14. If your attack is going well, you're walking into an enemy ambush.

15. The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.

16. The enemy always attacks on two occasions: when they're ready. & when you're not.

17. No OPLAN ever survives initial contact with the enemy.

18. There is no such thing as a perfect plan.

19. Five-second fuses always burn down in three seconds.

20. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

21. A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.

21. The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.

22. The easy way is always mined.

23. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.

24. If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.

25. When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.

26. Incoming fire has the right of way.

27. No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.

28. No inspection-ready unit has ever passed combat.

29. If the enemy is within range, so are you.

30. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

31. Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.

32. Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way.

33. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.

34. Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.

35. Anything you do can get you killed, including doing nothing.

36. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you can’t get out.

37. Tracers work both ways.

38. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.

39. When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.

40. Professional soldiers are predictable; but the world is full of dangerous amateurs.

41. Military Intelligence is a contradiction.

42. Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.

43. Weather ain't neutral.

44. If you can't remember, your Claymores are probably pointed towards you.

45. Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground.

46. 'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go.

47. The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.

48. Napalm is an area support weapon.

49. Mines are equal-opportunity weapons.

50. B-52s and battleships are the ultimate close support weapons.

51. Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.

52. Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.

53. The one item you need is always in short supply.

54. Interchangeable parts aren't.

55. It's not the bullet with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.

56. When in doubt, empty your magazine.

57. The side with the simplest uniforms wins.

58. Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.

59. No matter what the supply specialist tells you, you will NOT receive it when you get in-country!

60. Murphy was a grunt.

If you've ever owned an AK-47, an AR-15 or a Mosin/Nagant, you'll understand

They say that after awhile, dogs and dog owners begin to look alike. I believe that you can extend that dictum to firearms owners. Not that we begin to look like our firearms, mind you, but that we begin to have shared experiences with other owners/sufferers of the same weaponry.

For instance, most of us who own a semi-automatic AK know it's legendary for being so loosely constructed it rattles when you pick it up. By the same token, all of us who own an AR-15 (the civilian equivalent of the M-16) know it's so tightly constructed it comes with its own toothbrush to keep dirt and grit from fouling it. (True!) And those of us who own a Mosin/Nagant M1930 (mine has Soviet markings and was issued in 1943) can't believe soldiers actually had to MARCH while carrying this behemoth!!!

I found this list of other common firearms characteristics on the Internet, and reblog it here.

A Comparison of the AK-47, AR-15 and Mosin/Nagant M1930:

AK – It works though you have never cleaned it, ever.
AR – You have $9-per-ounce special non-detergent synthetic Teflon-infused cleaner
MG – It was last cleaned in Berlin in 1945

AK – You are able to hit the broad side of a barn from the inside
AR – You are able to hit the broad side of a barn from 600 meters
MG – You can hit the farm from two counties away

AR – Cheap magazines are fun to buy
AR – Cheap magazines melt
MG – What’s a magazine?

AK – Your safety can be heard as you click it off from 300 meters away
AR – You can silently flip off the safety with your finger on the trigger
MG – What’s a safety?

AK – Your rifle comes with a cheap nylon sling
AR – Your rifle comes with a 9-point stealth tactical suspension system
MG – Your rifle has dog collars (It really does!)

AK – Your bayonet makes a good wire cutter
AR – Your bayonet is actually a pretty good steak knife
MG – Your bayonet is longer than your leg

AK – You can put a .30” hole through 12” of oak
AR – You can put one hole in a paper target with 30 rounds at 100 meters
MG – You can knock down everyone else’s target with the shock wave of your bullet’s passage

AK – When out of ammo, your rifle will substitute as a club
AR – When out of ammo, your rifle will substitute as a wiffle ball bat
MG – When out of ammo, your rifle will make a supreme lance, tent pole, oar, pike or firewood

AK – Recoil is manageable, even fun
AR – What’s recoil?
MG – Recoil is used to reset your shoulder after it was dislocated by the previous shot

AK – Your sight adjustment goes to 10, and you’ve never bothered moving it
AR – Your sight adjustment is incremented in fractions of a minute of angle
MG – Your sight adjustment goes out to 12 miles, and you’ve actually tried it

AK – Your rifle can be used by any two-bit nation’s illiterate conscripts to fight elite forces everywhere
AR – Your rifle is used by elite forces everywhere to fight two-bit nations’ illiterate conscripts
MG – Your rifle has fought against itself, and won every time

AK – Your rifle won some revolutions
AR – Your rifle drove Saddam out of Kuwait
MG – Your rifle won a pole vault event

AK – You paid $350
AR – You paid $900
MG – You paid $89.95 (I actually did!)

AK – You buy cheap ammo by the case
AR – You lovingly reload precision crafted rounds, one-by-one
MG – You dug your ammo out of a farmer’s field in the Ukraine, and it works just fine

AK – You can intimidate your foe when you fix bayonets
AR – Your foes laugh themselves to death when you fix bayonet
MG – You can bayonet your foe on the other side of the river without leaving your foxhole

AK – Service life, 60 years
AR – Service life, 40 years
MG – Service life, 100 years and counting

AK – It’s easier to buy a new rifle when you want to change cartridge sizes
AR – You can change cartridge sizes with the push of two pins and a new upper receiver
MG – You would never risk ridicule by suggesting there IS any other cartridge but 7.62mm x 54r

AK – You can repair your rifle with a hammer and a swift kick
AR – You can repair your rifle by taking it to a certified gunsmith (It’s under warranty!)
MG – You either take it to a blacksmith, or buy a new one

AK – You consider it a badge of honor when the rifle handguards burst into flames
AR – You consider it a badge of honor when you shoot a sub-MOA 5-shot group
MG – You consider it a badge of honor when you cycle five rounds without using a 2x4 as a lever

AK – After a long day at the range, you relax by watching “Red Dawn”
AR – After a long day at the range, you relax by watching “Black Hawk Down”
MG – After a long day at the range, you relax with a visit to the chiropractor

AK – You can accessorize your rifle with a muzzle brake or a new stock
AR – You can accessorize your rifle with stuff that is 8 times more expensive than the rifle
MG – Your rifle’s main accessory is a small tin can with a funny lid, buried under a building in Kiev

AK – Your rifle’s finish is varnish and paint
AR – Your rifle’s finish is Teflon and high-tech polymers
MG – Your rifle’s finish is low-grade shellac, cosmoline and some woman named Olga’s toenail polish

AK – Your wife tolerates your signed photo of Mikhail Kalashnikov
AR – Your wife tolerates your signed photo of Eugene Stoner
MG – You’re not sure there WERE cameras around to photograph Sergei Mosin

AK – Late at night, you have the urge to hold your rifle over your head and shout “Wolverines!”
AR – Late at night, you have the urge to clear your house, from room-to-room
MG – Late at night, you have the urge to dig a fighting trench in the front yard and sleep in it.